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A Marvelous May

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Girl Talk || Anxiety & All His Friends

This will never be something easy to discuss, and many people struggle with this in a million different ways. Sometimes the most frightening part of living with a mental state like this is not being able to understand your disability itself... But is it a disability? Should you question your own well being due to what society claims? No, because the definition for disability includes words like: incapability, impairment, defect, and weakness. The truth is, you are none of those things, you are not a faulty computer. The ability to persevere with a demon such as anxiety or depression on your back is an advantage within itself. Don't try to fix yourself... Instead, you need to heal. No, I haven't defeated this self doubt that resides within me, but I am almost there. Are you ready to talk? Lets Talk.


He is a mysterious one. He knows you like clockwork. He can hit you at your highest, or at your lowest. When he visits, it isn't always as dreadful as the last. But sometimes, he waltzes in, and burns your entire house down. You change the locks, you shut him out, but he always finds a way back in. People tell you he isn't real. People tell you to ignore him. They might even say, "He'll go away if you ask him to.", but you know the truth. He is a casanova and it feels like he is always lurking nearby.

The thing about this not-so-gentleman is that you aren't his only victim. Although it may seem like it, you aren't alone. The only way to dethrone this monster is to learn his ways the same way he learned yours. What triggers your outbreaks? Make a list.

Do they include...
  • School
  • Work
  • Going out in Public
  • Arguments
  • Being Late
  • Fear
  • Disappointment
  • Loss of Loved Ones
  • Loneliness
  • Judgement

Why do you make a list? To learn more about your enemy. I sat down and decided what about these and/or things bring me down and eliminated them, or what I could of them. Anxiety feeds on fear and you are the supplier. You may not be at a point where you know what triggers your attacks, and that is okay. The best thing for you is to have faith that you will push through this and Mr. Anxiety will move on, because he does not own you.


He is a master at his trade, he stands by your side at all times and he can steer you down paths you never thought you could go down. He is scary and he is smart. He has kept you from opportunities like quality time with your family and friends. He has worked his way into your schedule. He is one of the most difficult to get rid of and he can ruin your day. Dr. Depression effects the young and the old. For some, he has taken their lives. Most try to hide him and some appear to have mastered the act, but he is still there, does he have to be?

He is not "in your head", and he doesn't own you. I never thought I'd escape the grasps of depression. I had created a mindset for myself that started the moment I woke up. I would lie in my room every morning, thinking about how pointless getting out of bed was. Some days were easy to paint a face on and pretend I wasn't buried alive inside. On other days, I couldn't move... Nor did I want to. If you are depressed, conquering Dr. Depression is different for everyone. I found and rebuilt my faith in God, I rewrote my daily mindset, and began blogging. I chose to avoid medication because I discovered that if my heart was not in the right place, then I needed to heal before I became dependent on something that would alter who I was. This took years, and I still have my surprise visits with the doctor, but I know now that I am superior and he does not define me.

If you choose to medicate, you are not weak. Dr. Depression has a stronger hold on you than he should and he is causing an enormous amount of damage. The first step in changing your life is admitting that you feel consumed and that is a victory in itself. Not everyone will understand and if you are not receiving the support you need, it is crucial that you find a support system that has your best interest at heart. There is always someone willing to listen:

  • Hotlines
  • Support Groups
  • School Counselors

If you don't feel comfortable with any of these options, feel free to contact me. If anything, it's a start. It's a victory.


She has backup from her close relationships with Dr. Depression, Mr. Anxiety, and who knows how many others. She lives in your thoughts, pops up in your mirror, and stars in your dreams. Self Doubt is not afraid to steal the show and abandon you in the crowd. You think she is your friend, but she is nothing but a leach. Don't let her suck your confidence, self worth, and dignity into her pit of darkness, because that belongs to you.

Can you tell me three things you love about yourself? No, not like, love.
Okay, how about three more?
What about your dreams?
What is the one thing you want to achieve?
Is there something you've done that you can label as your greatest accomplishment? What is it?
Look in the mirror, really really look. What do you see? Do you see your grandmother's nose? Your mother's smile? What about your daddy's eyes?
Who brought this negative outlook into your life? Do they matter?
Who strives to bring positivity into your life? Who is that go-to person that can make your day no matter what?

Strive to keep your dreams and those who love you close. Do one thing every day that will bring you closer to your goal. One thing, no matter how small. You are capable of so much, and you can't let her win. She does not own you, and she never has. Keep your head up, because your future is brighter than you could ever imagine.


He rules, but not in a good way. He rules over your day, and over your joy. He has no queen, because his obsession is you. King Stress will constantly remind you of all your duties and all your fears, because in all honesty… he is the kingdom’s fool. He keeps you trapped in his little palace with nothing but reminders of all that weighs heavy on your heart. He is hard to dethrone, but he too has a weakness… it’s your smile. If you keep your head up and that beautiful smile on your face, he will do anything to keep it that way. Your duties and responsibilities aren’t going away, but that doesn’t mean you should be forced to dwell on them. This too shall pass and you are bigger than the things that weigh you down. xx

Girl Talk || Horrid Habits

Monday, August 15, 2016

What are "Horrid Habits"?

Well, we all have them... Whether we like to admit it or not, we do. They are things we know we shouldn't do, but somehow they've snuck their way into our daily routine. Could be nail biting, hoarding, or even picking your nose... We know how they start... But how do you stop? Well I'm laying my worst out on the table for you today. Isn't that exciting? Please feel free to input your own hated habits or tips on how you overcame them in the comments. After all, this is Girl Talk... Lets talk.

PROCRASTINATION - Oh, Maddie, why on Earth would you make this your first "Horrid Habit"? Is it because you planned out an entire month of blog posts, and you've only followed through one of them so far because you keep putting off your never-ending list of to-dos? Oh yes, it is...

I'm so sorry y'all, I want my cozy little corner of the internet to be something you all can count on, and I know it isn't quite there yet. I can sit here and make excuses... But that is an excuse in itself. Procrastination is a frightening habit, and it is a hard one to break. Hopefully I can offer you some tips on how to fight the urge to wait:

  • Deadlines are always closer than you think. If you have a deadline that seems far away, that is a perfect time to start.
  • Make lists of things you need to do to complete your task. If you make a dent in the assignment, odds are, you are going to be more motivated to finish in time.
  • Plan ahead, mark a calendar of when you need to be finished with each step. (Example: When writing a paper that is due by the end of the month, brainstorm and write your thesis/ introduction the first week, body/supporting paragraphs the second, conclusion the third, and proofread and strengthen your paper on the final week before submission!)
  • Don't forget to breathe! You can tackle anything you put your mind to! Don't let fear or frustration get in your way!

CUSSING - Okay, this has been a New Year's resolution of mine for many, MANY years, and I feel as though I am no closer to eliminating this disgusting habit.

Cussing isn't really the first thing people think of when they think "habits", but it is something that I have always felt strongly about quitting. It isn't really an issue my family has brought to my attention, but I know my mother has to be cringing every time I let one slip. This is the mindset I am trying to learn in order to reduce, if not eliminate, my nasty mouth vomit:

  • Learn to acknowledge when you have spoken naughtily. This should honestly be everyone's first step. Once you become aware, you are far more likely to stop using that dirty vocabulary.
  • Instead of using the words f*ck, sh*t, a**, and c*nt (hate that one), try substituting the word cuss. (I believe Ross uses this in an episode of FRIENDS.)
    • "You ate my last scone? You little cuss."
    • "CUSS! I just stubbed one of my cussing phalanges on this cussing bedside table!"
    • "Well, I just stepped in dog cuss."
    • I also love to call people "poopheads", and I am now also very well known for it.
^ Granted, this sounds a little silly, but it was a much more fun way of getting my point across. 
  • Surround yourself with small children... I have two very young siblings with whom I live with. Cussing around them is something I strive to avoid, mainly because my three year old sister is an enormous copy-cat. #ohdear

NAIL BITING - This habit... This cussing habit (lol) has followed me since I was a little girl. It was always something my dad took very seriously. He would take one look at my nails and shake his head. It was hard enough having sore fingers/nailbeds all the time, but knowing my dad was disappointed in me made things far worse. These are the only things that seemed to help me:

  • Soak your nails in nail polish remover.
  • Paint your nails with Sally Hansen's "No More Biting".
  • Keep them trimmed.
  • Keep them painted.
  • Treat yourself when they are long and get a manicure. 
  • Carry a nail kit around in your purse for those "on-the-go" hangnails.

MESSY MENTALITY - Messy mentality is my way of saying you are a sloppy Joe... A messy Bessie. You aren't necessarily gross, just not tidy...

I love a nice, clean room/car/house. It is probably my favorite thing in the entire world; however, once laundry gets behind, once I get sick, once I half-decide to rearrange my room, everything goes downhill. Here is what I try to do to avoid pre-mess disaster.

  • Throw out unnecessary things every chance you get.
  • Don't start new crafts/projects if you didn't finish the last.
  • When changing clothes, actually make sure that they make it in the clothes hamper.
  • Set aside a day to deep clean, but only if your targeted zone is already "straightened up", you'll end up with a bigger mess than before.
  • Watch HGTV - You know that stuff is inspiring.

SELF LOATHING - Don't pretend this isn't a habit. It is probably my worst. The whole "glass half full" aspect wasn't (and still isn't) my strongest trait. I'd lay awake some nights and tear myself up inside wanting to change, but before you can change... You have to learn to love yourself. Consider these tips to get away from those painful lies in your head.

  • Eliminate ugly people/situations from your life. They are toxic and can ruin the way you view things and yourself.
  • Confide in someone who confides in you.
  • Cherish everyday.
  • Breathe through the bad.
  • Smile the biggest, and be the reason someone smiles.

It's obvious I'm not the best at eliminating this one, because this, along with the others listed here are the demons that I battle everyday. I want to stop doing these things, but mostly for myself... Not because someone told me I HAD to. If you have any more issues with finding love within yourself, please email me at anytime, anonymous or not. I've touched on what to do if you are ready to change your life on my previous post here. It might help, it might not, but after all, I'm here for y'all. You go girls.


How to "Age" a Stuffed Animal

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

First, lets talk about Edga...

Edga is a small Webkinz Jr. monkey. He was given to Emma as a gift when she was very young to match her bedroom theme. Emma and Edga grew very attached over the years. Not once did we leave the house without someone yelling, "Did anyone grab Edga?". He was there for it all... The bumps and the bruises, the moving to a new home, the sacrifice of the beloved "Paci", and he even survived the invasion of a new baby boy in Hedges' household. Needless to say, Edga was a member of the family...

Lately, Emma's schedule has gotten quite busy. She has begun school, traveled to visit family, and even had to spend a couple nights in the ER for a boo boo on her foot. That's a lot for a small monkey to keep up with! We all knew it's was only a matter of time before Edga was misplaced. So to prevent heartbreak, Emma's mom decided a "backup Edga" was wise. He was an exact replica, just significantly more clean... Emma saw straight through the new Edga and would have nothing to do with it. Her Edga was far too special to be replaced. So, the new Edga found his way into storage...

About a week ago, Edga didn't find his way home. We spent countless hours trying to find him. We searched home, the cars, local stores, the doctor's office, and daycare. Edga was nowhere to be found. Playtime, nap time, bedtime, and even dinner time hasn't been the same. We knew we had to do something. In desperation, we turned to backup Edga... It was his time to shine.

Granted, this would not be an easy task. The original Edga was the keeper of almost four years worth of childhood, and saying goodbye wasn't easy for any of us... But Emma deserved to have her best friend back. No matter the cost.

But Emma knew her best friend.

She wasn't going to be an easy three year old to fool. We had to take this procedure VERY carefully. So to begin, we started in the laundry room... After a few "washings", we discovered he wasn't losing his soft texture and plumpness... We had to take more drastic measures; this involved a small incision in his bottom and neck. We then used a coat hanger to remove the stuffing that made the new toy "extra fluffy". It took some trial cuddles to ensure that his insides were properly distributed, but he showed great promise. We also detached his nose at this time, because original Edga had the same feature. It is very important that you properly sew up any spots that you cut open before continuing.

Now more limp and slightly worn, the new Edga was ready for his day at the spa. We began with a milk, mud and tea bath to stain and "roughen" up that fluffy fur. We allowed him to soak in the sun for about half an hour. (Don't allow the milk enough time to sour outside.) We then used the hose to spray a majority of the mud and grass off of his fur. (Otherwise you will have a very unhappy washing machine.)

Edga was then brought inside for one last trip through the washer and dryer... He took quite some time to dry this go-round due to how incredibly wet he was, so we allowed him some time in the sun before it was time to pick Emma up from school.

We wanted Emma to understand how much trouble it took for Edga to "find his way home" without actually revealing how he "made it home". So, we incorporated one of Emma's favorite TV characters, (Doc McStuffins) and a member of the family from a couple states over that she hadn't met yet. The letter discussed how Jenna (Emma's new "pen pal") had found Edga far from home. She explained how she sent Edga off to Doc McStuffins for a checkup. It was there that Edga told Doc McStuffins where he lived (Since all the toys come to life for Doc McStuffins)... Jenna then explained that Doc McStuffins said Edga would be fine after a ride home in the mail truck. Emma was very excited to have her best friend back, and she couldn't wait to write and thank her new friend Jenna. I was also very happy that I was able to capture this reunion; which you can watch below or through the following link: Edga Comes Home.

We all may have different reasons for making a stuffed animal look worn, but the sentimental value of toys like Edga can never be replaced. That was never the intention here. The original Edga had so many memories within him. We could never give that back to Emma, but she is now making new memories with her favorite monkey once again that will last a lifetime. We just hope this Edga can keep up with the very quickly growing Emma!

Girl Talk || Back to School

Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Welcome to Girl Talk! A new, once a month series just for us girls... I haven't necessarily planned for it to be my blog's first post of the month, but it WILL be included once a month. The topic will change with every post and the comment section will be open for those who would like to input as well. I chose this series because I didn't want my blog to be about just tutorials and diys. I wanted to show you who I am as a person, a person who has quite a few things on her mind. So, without further a-do... Here is post one of Girl Talk.

*insert brief applause*

Thank you, thank you. How was your summer? Short? Yeah... It's that time of the year again. We've all seen the commercials creeping in and now that August has begun, we cannot avoid it any longer. The dreaded school year. Whether it be grade school, high school, or your sophomore year of college (Hey, that's me!), you know it's coming. In all honesty, is it really dreaded? Or are you just not mentally prepared for the months to come? Below are some of the worst things a girl has to deal with before going back to school, how to overcome those frightening obstacles, and truly enjoy your first few weeks back in hell,  I mean school.

Obstacle 1: The Sleep Shuffle

Okay paws, (lol) look at the cat on the right having the time of his life. Cute right? Okay, continue.
If you're like me, you've spent the summer staying up all night and sleeping through the entire day... Convincing yourself you can flip flop your sleeping arrangement at anytime, when the truth is, you no longer know the difference between night and day. You get so incredibly close and spend the best parts of one day being torched by the sun, only to immediately come home and crash for a mid to late afternoon nap... Placing you back at square one. With a night full of this... (refer to dancing cats on the right side of screen.) And with a night full of that, you're doomed to have a first week of school filled with this... (refer to super sexy man below on your screen...)

And I'm not talking about a week of school filled with the slightly tempered, yet still sexy Adam Levine. I'm talking about you my friend... 

So how do you change your schedule? How do you avoid the slightly temperedness? Easy... plan ahead. Give your body plenty of time to adjust to the new schedule. To begin, you might have to wake up early one day and bathe in coffee and energy drinks to keep your lids open while the sun is shining, but you can do it! Don't think you can just get a good night's sleep the day before and wake up as Little Miss Sunshine... Because you wont be. You'll be sporting those designer bags all through the halls... And I'm not talking about handbags. So give your body time to adjust... I know I've said it twice, but I could not be more serious. You owe it to yourself to start the year off right.

Obstacle 2: First Day Anxiety

I know the idea of going back to school can be overwhelming at times. The shear thought of walking through those doors breaks your heart, and that's normal. It's hard entering a room of possible strangers knowing that will be your life for the next 5-10 months, but you can do it, and it is just one day. We all have those fears... My least favorite part of the first day {That I have actually touched on in a previous blog post.} is the, "Please stand up, say your name, and one thing about yourself."... Like seriously? And don't even get me started on the "Get to know each other" games. Two Truths and One Lie? C'mon... To survive, just keep in mind that everyone is just as annoyed by these petty games and social experiments as you are. Stand up and face it, no one is going judge you for feeling the same way as they do. P.S I don't know who the boy on the left is, but I think we can all agree that we know EXACTLY how he feels.
Obstacle 3: Parental Photoshoot

Okay, this might not apply to everyone... But my mother has always been one to make sure to snap a picture as I am trying to head out the door for class. I literally have a photo from every first day. Embarrassing right? What's even worse is they are probably the most unattractive pictures ever taken of me... But they mean the world to my mom. My advice to you is; take the pictures, give her a pose, a smile, a hug, and a kiss if that's what she wants. She is proud of you and I promise it'll be a great start to your morning.

Obstacle 4: Lost = Tardy

It's the worst feeling. I know, you've darted all through the halls and have yet to find your class. Don't worry, no teacher is expecting all of their students to make it to class on the first try every time. Just breathe, stay calm, and don't be afraid to ask for directions. I was 10 minutes late to my very first lecture in college because I was too scared to ask for directions, and I still wasn't the last person to arrive. I think the best advice for this is to plan ahead and right before your next class, double check your schedule to know which direction you are headed. It doesn't hurt to be extra cautious. 

Obstacle 5: Fitting In

Please, this is the easiest part. Fitting in is all a mental concept. Find a group of friends that you belong with and stick to them. As long as you fit in with them, who cares about everyone else? For what it's worth, I love you, because you've made it through my entire rambling post. A person who can handle my rambling is worth my friendship. My inbox is always open if you are feeling overwhelmed... Let get through this together, but please do me a favor this year, be yourself and surround yourself with people who deserve your time. Don't conform for a world that has been round it's entire existence. If the world won't change for you, why change for it? Corny, I know... But you get the picture. Here's to a new year and a new start. You go girls.


Chasing Charming

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

You think he is Superman,
but only because he can control your mind. 
He knows when you want him most,
but the only thing you know is being left behind.

Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and Snow White,
all the same,
needs a man with honor, beauty, dignity, and a strong name.

"Pick yourself up little one,
this one will be different."


"You better hurry up little one,
take your chance, or you'll miss it."

You're raised as "beautiful, kind, and strong",
but his words tell you different.
He picks, he pries, he teases, he jokes,
but you no longer feel so independent.

All the young boys bully the young girls that they favor,
and they all fall,
with high hopes to become his latest temporary screen saver.

Don't you worry little one,
he's running a tad late.


Don't chase after the "man of your dreams" little one,
for HE will be worth the wait.

- mads.

Cheeky Little Chat & Future Agenda

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

After my DIY post last Tuesday, I realized I truly wanted to post at least once a week. I understand I have absolutely no organization to my blog or it's theme, but I think this has potential to actually become something... No, not become that "trendy" little blog, but proof to myself that I am more than a potato in a world of carrots. I just want to be good at something... So, the excuses stop now.

No more sleeping in,
No more avoiding exercise,
No more treating my family like crap,
No more shutting out my friends,
No more waiting,
No more, no more, no more.

I want to be that person that everyone wants to be around. I want to be the person who people spontaneously call up for random activities. I want to change!

My health has slowly become my enemy... But the worst part is, I did this to myself. I made excuses. Now playing with a hula hoop for twenty minutes with my little sister is exhausting. I wear my large uniform to work now because I can't stand to look at myself unless I am swallowed by a t-shirt. How is that any way to live? I have these hopes and dreams for myself, but no ambition. So I am making it for myself.

I will witness the sunrise everyday,
I will run,
I will cherish time with my family,
I will reconnect with my friends,
I will change TODAY,
I will, I will, I will.

Don't let your dreams fall behind. Don't be the roadblock keeping you from what you could be. Don't lose faith in yourself. Don't give up!

You are amazing and you are capable of amazing things! People like you do eye opening and life changing things everyday. DO SOMETHING AMAZING!