This will never be something easy to discuss, and many people struggle with this in a million different ways. Sometimes the most frightening part of living with a mental state like this is not being able to understand your disability itself... But is it a disability? Should you question your own well being due to what society claims? No, because the definition for disability includes words like: incapability, impairment, defect, and weakness. The truth is, you are none of those things, you are not a faulty computer. The ability to persevere with a demon such as anxiety or depression on your back is an advantage within itself. Don't try to fix yourself... Instead, you need to heal. No, I haven't defeated this self doubt that resides within me, but I am almost there. Are you ready to talk? Lets Talk.
MR. ANXIETY
He is a mysterious one. He knows you like clockwork. He can hit you at your highest, or at your lowest. When he visits, it isn't always as dreadful as the last. But sometimes, he waltzes in, and burns your entire house down. You change the locks, you shut him out, but he always finds a way back in. People tell you he isn't real. People tell you to ignore him. They might even say, "He'll go away if you ask him to.", but you know the truth. He is a casanova and it feels like he is always lurking nearby.
The thing about this not-so-gentleman is that you aren't his only victim. Although it may seem like it, you aren't alone. The only way to dethrone this monster is to learn his ways the same way he learned yours. What triggers your outbreaks? Make a list.
Do they include...
- School
- Work
- Going out in Public
- Arguments
- Being Late
- Fear
- Disappointment
- Loss of Loved Ones
- Loneliness
- Judgement
Why do you make a list? To learn more about your enemy. I sat down and decided what about these and/or things bring me down and eliminated them, or what I could of them. Anxiety feeds on fear and you are the supplier. You may not be at a point where you know what triggers your attacks, and that is okay. The best thing for you is to have faith that you will push through this and Mr. Anxiety will move on, because he does not own you.
DR. DEPRESSION
He is a master at his trade, he stands by your side at all times and he can steer you down paths you never thought you could go down. He is scary and he is smart. He has kept you from opportunities like quality time with your family and friends. He has worked his way into your schedule. He is one of the most difficult to get rid of and he can ruin your day. Dr. Depression effects the young and the old. For some, he has taken their lives. Most try to hide him and some appear to have mastered the act, but he is still there, does he have to be?
He is not "in your head", and he doesn't own you. I never thought I'd escape the grasps of depression. I had created a mindset for myself that started the moment I woke up. I would lie in my room every morning, thinking about how pointless getting out of bed was. Some days were easy to paint a face on and pretend I wasn't buried alive inside. On other days, I couldn't move... Nor did I want to. If you are depressed, conquering Dr. Depression is different for everyone. I found and rebuilt my faith in God, I rewrote my daily mindset, and began blogging. I chose to avoid medication because I discovered that if my heart was not in the right place, then I needed to heal before I became dependent on something that would alter who I was. This took years, and I still have my surprise visits with the doctor, but I know now that I am superior and he does not define me.
If you choose to medicate, you are not weak. Dr. Depression has a stronger hold on you than he should and he is causing an enormous amount of damage. The first step in changing your life is admitting that you feel consumed and that is a victory in itself. Not everyone will understand and if you are not receiving the support you need, it is crucial that you find a support system that has your best interest at heart. There is always someone willing to listen:
- Hotlines
- Support Groups
- School Counselors
If you don't feel comfortable with any of these options, feel free to contact me. If anything, it's a start. It's a victory.
MRS. SELF DOUBT
She has backup from her close relationships with Dr. Depression, Mr. Anxiety, and who knows how many others. She lives in your thoughts, pops up in your mirror, and stars in your dreams. Self Doubt is not afraid to steal the show and abandon you in the crowd. You think she is your friend, but she is nothing but a leach. Don't let her suck your confidence, self worth, and dignity into her pit of darkness, because that belongs to you.
Can you tell me three things you love about yourself? No, not like, love.
Okay, how about three more?
What about your dreams?
What is the one thing you want to achieve?
Is there something you've done that you can label as your greatest accomplishment? What is it?
Look in the mirror, really really look. What do you see? Do you see your grandmother's nose? Your mother's smile? What about your daddy's eyes?
Who brought this negative outlook into your life? Do they matter?
Who strives to bring positivity into your life? Who is that go-to person that can make your day no matter what?
Strive to keep your dreams and those who love you close. Do one thing every day that will bring you closer to your goal. One thing, no matter how small. You are capable of so much, and you can't let her win. She does not own you, and she never has. Keep your head up, because your future is brighter than you could ever imagine.
KING STRESS
He rules, but not in a good way. He rules over your day, and over your joy. He has no queen, because his obsession is you. King Stress will constantly remind you of all your duties and all your fears, because in all honesty… he is the kingdom’s fool. He keeps you trapped in his little palace with nothing but reminders of all that weighs heavy on your heart. He is hard to dethrone, but he too has a weakness… it’s your smile. If you keep your head up and that beautiful smile on your face, he will do anything to keep it that way. Your duties and responsibilities aren’t going away, but that doesn’t mean you should be forced to dwell on them. This too shall pass and you are bigger than the things that weigh you down. xx
Who brought this negative outlook into your life? Do they matter?
Who strives to bring positivity into your life? Who is that go-to person that can make your day no matter what?
Strive to keep your dreams and those who love you close. Do one thing every day that will bring you closer to your goal. One thing, no matter how small. You are capable of so much, and you can't let her win. She does not own you, and she never has. Keep your head up, because your future is brighter than you could ever imagine.
KING STRESS
He rules, but not in a good way. He rules over your day, and over your joy. He has no queen, because his obsession is you. King Stress will constantly remind you of all your duties and all your fears, because in all honesty… he is the kingdom’s fool. He keeps you trapped in his little palace with nothing but reminders of all that weighs heavy on your heart. He is hard to dethrone, but he too has a weakness… it’s your smile. If you keep your head up and that beautiful smile on your face, he will do anything to keep it that way. Your duties and responsibilities aren’t going away, but that doesn’t mean you should be forced to dwell on them. This too shall pass and you are bigger than the things that weigh you down. xx
